I Realized So You Don’t Have To

 

            I never had a great relationship with books. At the age of 9, I remember pulling an all nighter trying to finish a book I was assigned. It was my fault I left it until the last second, but I did that because I never liked it. I never liked reading, not even then. The morning of when it was due, my fifth grade teacher Ms. Carmen didn’t test us how she said she would. Instead she started doing verbal exams based off of the book, the one I only read half of. The first 2-3 questions were just content based, and I got them right. The second she started asking questions with more meaning and analysis of the book, I folded and did terribly on the test. I remember tearing up even before I was able to get back to my seat.

            If you want to be successful when it comes to your education and career, reading regularly is something expected. From a young age, I’ve always been stronger in math. My dad was and still is amazing at it. He’s not a teacher or someone with a diploma that involves math, but since he was a kid, he always had a thing for it, sort of like me. Although I didn’t like the way he taught math to me, he did get his points across. From the very beginning of elementary school, my grades for both math and English were amazing. However, I was naturally good at one subject, with someone at home always ready to help. For the other subject, only my older brother understood the language more than me, and he wasn’t too fond of reading either. Both my parents are first generation immigrants from Montenegro, so they didn’t know the language before coming. They were learning just as we were, so learning to read and generating a liking for reading was something I had to do more on my own.

            Problems came along. It was during a test I had to take in order to get into a middle school I wanted to go to. I recall sitting in the chair, with the teacher blabbing monotonously to the point where her voice blended in with the other noises coming from the outside. When she finished and we began the exam, all I noticed were kids flipping through pages and pages when I wasn’t. I was falling behind. My reading was weak to the point where I was reading too slowly to get through the exam at a good pace. I don’t exactly remember what my score was, but I do know that if I answered a couple more questions, I would’ve gotten in.

            I remember that being a turning point for me. Or at least I told myself it would be. That’s when it should’ve happened. During the majority of middle school for me, my english grades progressively got worse. And it wasn’t because I stopped caring, but because you can only do so well when you actively avoid reading as much as possible. Obviously, because I didn’t try to fix the problem, it got worse. It’s like when you leave an infection and if you don’t treat it properly in time, it’ll grow and fester. My grades were dropping and high school was approaching. Of course, I was still trying to get into a good one, so this problem had to be solved.

            I began doing all my English assignments fully with no cutting corners. That’s something I’d say I’m good at doing but I don’t want to gloat about something that I’m not proud of. I made sure I read every page of assigned work I had. I spent the most time on English work even though I knew that wasn’t a career I was going to look into later down the road.

            I realized literature is something that can benefit me. Forget literature, reading and writing in general. That seems really simple but this was a hard thing to acknowledge for me. Lots of teachers always told me, “reading is everywhere Aldin, you can dislike it but you’re going to need it.” It took awhile for me too see what they were saying because as a kid, you always thought you’re right, but I got to see what they were saying, finally after how long?

            The need for reading and writing is a realization I made and struggled to reach, but I’m writing this so you don’t have to work to that idea by yourself. I’m introducing you to the idea that if you struggle with reading and writing or just dislike it, know that it will benefit you and your mindset will change. Not only will your skills improve but you might develop a liking for it too.

            For me specifically, I know it’s something I can’t run from anymore. It’s a part of my daily life. My career has nothing to do with English and literature yet it’s still crucial for me. Even in everyday life, your communication skills, your ability to show intelligence and competence towards others, so many things all stem from your understanding of reading and writing. That’s for me though, it can be for whatever it needs to be for you. English, reading and writing could be a career, or it could be something totally different. Like I said, it’s in everyday life, so embrace it the way I didn’t want to. Don’t have a grudging acceptance to it. Realize you need it and use it to your advantage. I wouldn’t say I love it, but I definitely realized I can’t live without it, so coexistence is something that I’m fine with. Literature helps me out, and I read it and hopefully we develop a better relationship over time. But for now, coexistence is just fine with me. But be better, let it be more than coexistence for you.